


Reparations

by ralf



Series: Close to Canon [16]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Episode: s02e12 You Are Not Your Own, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 18:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15200699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ralf/pseuds/ralf
Summary: The tense set of Alec's shoulders is the first thing Magnus notices after opening the door.“I'm here on official business,” Alec says, shifting uneasily.[Set sometime after 2x15, referencing the events of 2x11 & 2x12.]





	Reparations

The tense set of Alec's shoulders is the first thing Magnus notices after opening the door. The _I_ _thought we were past knocking_ dies on his tongue as he takes in Alec's stiff posture and the way his hands are folded behind is back in his usual soldier stance. Alec's unsteady gaze flittering around and the badly hidden lip bite betray his nerves and Magnus instinctively braces himself for what is to come.

“I'm here on official business,” Alec says, shifting uneasily.

Magnus steps aside. Whatever this is, standing at the door will only add to both their discomfort.

Alec strides past him and only turns when he's halfway across the room, keeping a noticeable distance between them. He's radiating tension like a sun radiates light and Magnus expects him to start pacing any minute now.

He doesn't. Instead, after a minute of intense staring at everything but Magnus he slumps, his hand going through his hair in a rare display of agitation and when he meets Magnus's eyes again there's helplessness in his own. Alec opens his mouth, closes it again, then closes his eyes for a moment and shakes his head. He takes a deep breath, steeling himself and focuses on Magnus, determination settling over him.

Magnus's heart is torn between concern and affection for Alec who's acting so unsure and so, well, _Alec_ , and apprehension for what has him so all over the place.

Alec approaches him purposefully and reaches him with three long steps, but he doesn't slow down. He pulls Magnus into an embrace, his arms circling around him, holding him tightly. Alec's cheek comes to rest against Magnus's temple and Alec exhales slowly.

Magnus doesn't resist the hug, he never could. He doesn't know what to make of that one-eighty in behavior but the anxious fluttering inside his stomach starts settling down at Alec's closeness.

After a few moments Alec speaks again.

“I don't know how to do this, Magnus.” He hesitates. “I don't know how to do this without hurting you. The thought alone is-” He breaks off and sighs. “I'm so sorry. But I can't let that deter me from granting you your right.”

Magnus blinks, at a loss now more than ever. He thought Alec was about to relate the latest imperious decree from the Clave but this sounds like something else entirely. What right does he have that needs to be granted?

He's about to ask but Alec is already continuing. “It is the Shadowhunters' duty to protect and serve. Whenever we fail to uphold that duty, compensation can be demanded. That also applies in a case of wrongdoing.” Alec had grown quieter while he spoke and his voice is now barely a whisper. Magnus imagines his eyes are closed, holding onto Magnus as if he's the only solid thing in a vast, stormy sea. The thought is more calming than it has any right to be.

“You were wronged, Magnus. You were terribly, horribly wronged and it is your right to demand reparations for what you suffered.”

Magnus swallows. He hadn't even thought of that, hadn't even been aware. If anyone other than Alexander was Head of the Institute he probably wouldn't have been told at all.

He tries to focus on that, tries to steer his thoughts clear of the reason why he is in a position to make demands on the Nephilim. Alec's conflicted actions make sense now. He knows better than anyone else that Magnus still struggles every day to keep the flashes of those too recent events at bay, to keep his peace of mind. It is a fragile peace most of the time, crumbling far too easily under the lightest of weights.

Magnus swallows again, feeling the cracks on his composure expanding and Alec tightens his arms in response. He is so attuned to Magnus's feelings that it would be disconcerting if it didn't feel so natural. Magnus is glad Alec chose closeness over distance for this particular piece of news. He doesn't want to imagine what it would have been like if Alec had broached that topic from across the room. The idea of this too familiar cold creeping down his spine and seeping into every cell of his body with the only source of warmth out of reach squeezes his heart and he shudders. Alec's broad hands start tracing endless paths along his silk shirt, soothing his frayed emotions as much as possible.

“I don't know how much they'd pay. A five-figure sum, probably six-figure. I can solicit a surveyor if you want.”

Magnus stays silent. He doesn't need time to think about it. He needs time to keep his voice form breaking. He breathes slowly, wondering how long it will take to regain a resemblance of control over himself.

In the end he decides that it doesn't matter. Not here, not with Alexander.

“I don't want their money. I don't want anything from them,” he says, and he almost sounds normal.

Any other day this would feel like an incredible victory, but now, with the shadows of his darkness lingering on the edges of his consciousness there is only one thing, one nameless wish permeating him.

“I just want you.”

The admission comes out sounding small but Alec has uncovered so much of his weaknesses already that Magnus can't muster up the energy to care.

“You have me,” Alec replies without a moment's hesitation, sincerity clinging to every word.

Resisting the pervasive urge to cover up his vulnerability, his breath catching in his throat Magnus says, “Then hold me.”

And Alec does.

He holds him through the relentless onslaught of memories and the rising torrent of emotions that well up with infinite ferocity and try to wash him away.

Through it all Alec's touch grounds him and Magnus supposes they're both each other's solid places to lean on when the tide comes for one them.

He wishes he could say that after all these years he has practice fighting off the unwanted flinders of his past, but he doubts he ever will. Some things he won't ever get used to. Some demons he has to battle anew whenever they appear, and it never gets any less draining.

And yet, with Alexander by his side this skirmish seems a little easier to win.

 

 

 


End file.
